On the eve of the Armageddon, (Sequestration, for the rest of you) the President continues to run around the country and spread a misleading and wholly untruthful message by land, air, and You Tube. . .and I got to thinking about the billions we spend in any given year on complete and utter frivolities. Downright stupidity, you might say. The way that the president talks, you’d think we run such a tight ship that $85 billion dollars, a mere fraction of a percentage of the federal budget, would break the bank. According to our dear leader, $85 billion dollars in cuts will prevent Junior from getting his flu shot, Grandma from getting her medical care, and Joe Police Officer from getting his paycheck. Are you telling me that in a federal government that spends nearly $11 billion dollars a day, there’s not a single thing outside of the aforementioned sob stories that we could cut to comply with the $85 billion mandated by the law the president signed in 2011?

Actually, we could do even better than $85 billion; $40.4 billion to be precise. Here’s a Kodak moment for you: in FY 2010 alone, $125.4 billion was doled out in “improper payments.” You know, pension payments to dead federal workers; entitlement overpayments, etc. Baddabing, baddaboom. . . an $85 billion dollr problem solved. Naturally, of course, overpayments or improper payments are hardly the end of the story. We spend billions each year on complete and utter silliness, and thanks to the efforts of Senator Tom Coburn, I bring you a list of said silliness. (Please click here for the full booklet with explanations of each item.)

This is a snapshot from 2011 alone, totaling 6.9 billion dollars. Assuming similar levels of spending for each year of Obama’s first term, that’s $27.6 billion dollars. And we haven’t even mentioned his $4 million dollar Christmas vacations to the Land of Aloha, or the multi-trillion dollar debacle that is Obamacare; or the $1.4 billion dollar price tag for Keeping Up with the Obamas. . . I’d better stop, or I’ll literally run out of space.

Let’s take a peek at our trusty list, shall we? (Note: You might want to step away every ten items or so to avoid mental meltdown. You’ve been warned. )

1. Politicians Partying on the Taxpayer Dime – (Presidential Election Campaign Fund) $35.38 Million
2. Saving Mango Sales in Pakistan– 30 million
3. Poor Planning Hobbles Air Force Green Energy Effort – (Department of
   Defense) $14 Million
4. Subsidy Program for Small Airports Fails to Help Most Recipients
   Achieve Sustainable Air Service – (Federal Aviation Administration)
   $6 Million
5. Paying for Pancakes – (D.C) $765,828
6. The Super-Bridge to Nowhere – (AK) $15.3 Million
7. Dead Federal Employees Continue to Get Benefits Checks – (U.S. Office of Personnel Management) $120 Million
8. Extreme Home Makeover: Federal Highway Funds to Transform  Abandoned “Rock House” into Visitors Center – (OK) $529,689
9. Video Game Preservation – (NY) $113,277
10. Millions In Foreign Aid to… China? – (Department of State & U.S. Agency for International Development) $17.80 Million
11. Drug-Themed “Mellow Mushroom” Pizza Restaurant – (TX) $484,000
12. Fruit Growers Receive Money for Celebrity Chef Show in Indonesia –(WA) $100,000
13. Remake of “Sesame Street” for Pakistan – (U.S. Agency for International  Development) $10 Million
14. American Museum of Magic – (MI) $147,138
15. International Architecture Firm – (CA) $1 Million
16. Documentary About How Rock and Roll Contributed to the Collapse of the Soviet Union – (CA) $550,000
17. TVs and Gas Generators for Rural Vietnamese Villages – (PA) $702, 558
18. The 2nd Annual Hawaii Chocolate Festival – (HI) $48,700
19. Children, Prisoners, and Others Who Don’t Own Homes Awarded Energy Efficient Home Improvement Tax Credits (Internal Revenue Service) – $1 Billion
20. Stimulating Online Soap Operas – (Department of Commerce) $936,818
21. Taxpayer Dollars Go to Promoting Christmas Trees – (MI) $75,000
22. An International Art Exhibition – (Venice, Italy) $350,000
23. Study Looks for Connections Between Cocaine and Risky Sex Habits of Quail – (KY) $175,587
24. Walter Clore Wine and Culinary Center – (WA) $2 Million
25. Program Subsidizes Prosperous Industries – (Department of Agriculture) $200 Million
26. Surveying Impact of Anti-HIV Videos for L.A. City Buses – (CA) $358,005
27. Federal Funds Used to Buy iPads for Kindergarteners – (ME) $96,000
28. $1 Million Ad Campaign Encourages Patients to Visit Government Health Agency’s Website and be More Involved in Their Own Medical Decisions – (Agency for Health Research and Quality) $1.06 Million
29. Study: Political Candidates Should Adopt “Green” Positions – (CA) $200,000
30. Federal Transportation Dollars Go to Shipwreck Sites and HorseDrawn Carriage Exhibits – (WI) $916,567
31. An Eleven Day Veterans Affairs Conference in Arizona – (Department of Veterans Affairs) $221,540
32. Boosting Alaskan Tourism with Podcasts about NSF Research Projects – (AK) $300,000
33. Annual Rent for the Storage of Thousands of Pieces of Unused Furniture and Equipment – (Internal Revenue Service) $862,000
34. Studying the Trustworthiness of Tweets– (MA) $492,005
35. Failed Energy-Saving Project in Pakistan – (U.S. Agency for International Development) $12 Million
36. Oregon Cheese Guild – $50,000
37. Unnecessary Neighborhood Revitalization Initiative Overlaps Other Federal Housing Programs – (Housing and Urban Development) $168 Million
38. Federal Funds Go Toward Encouraging Bed and Breakfasts to Sell Locally Grown Products – (NY) $73,824
39. Grant for Museum on the History of Skiing –(NH) $86,014
40. Wartime Contracting Waste and Fraud Costs Taxpayers Billions –(Iraq and Afghanistan) $4.38 billion
41. U.S. Hops Industry Travels to China – (WA) $111,413
42. Mummies in 3-D – (WI) $24,632
43. Taxpayer Money Pays for “RapidGuppy” Cell Phone Game – (CA) $149,990
44. Duplicative Program to Help Other Countries Manage Their Forests –(Department of Agriculture) $9.49 Million
45. Federal Transportation Dollars to Make Las Vegas Highways Beautiful –(NV) $697,006
46. Taxpayer Money to Study How College Students Use Mobile Devices for Social Networking – (IN) $764,825
47. Marketing for Farms and Restaurants – (VT) $171,050
48. Seminar in England Allows Teachers to Retrace Steps of Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales – $136,555
49. Weatherization Program Lets Taxpayer Funds Slip Through the Cracks – (Department of Energy) $231.3 Million
50. Entrepreneurship Training… in Barbados? – (U.S. Agency for International Development) $1.35 Million
51. Coast Guard Spends Taxpayer Dollars on Mardi Gras Float – (LA) $24,450
52. Study Examines Political Websites and Campaign Strategies – (IL) $126,242
53. Federal Dollars Pays to Renovate a Carriage House – (UT) $150,000
54. Millions Of Federal Transportation Dollars Pay for Covered Bridge Preservation Program – (Department of Transportation) $8.3 Million
55. Taxpayer Money Supports Wine Conference, Pavilion, and Education –(CO, SD, and OH) $62,000
56. The Federal Government’s Own Version of “Farmville” to Combat Obesity, Teach Nutrition – (CA) $206,214
57. Stimulus Funds for a Tree Census – (NV) $60,000
58. Duplicative Occupational Safety Program Lacks Long-term Strategic Planning – (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) $22.04 Million
59. Creating a Smart Phone App for Picking Tennessee Farmers – (TN) $181,966
60. Study: How Effective Are European Union Parliamentarians at Framing Legislative Debates? – (VA) $300,000
61. Growing Massachusetts Video Game Industry – (MA) $100,000
62. Duplicative Engine Program for F-35 Fighter – (Department of Defense) $207 Million
63. Study on Jordanian Student Hookah Smoking – (VA) $55,382
64. Taxpayer-Funded Snow Cones for Emergencies (and Promotions) –$6,279
65. Farmers Market Advertising Campaign – (OK) $93,000
66. “The Matter of Origins” Educational Dance – (MD) $300,000
67. US Taxpayer Funds Survey of Well-Being in 120 Countries – (CA) $610,908
68. Taxpayer Dollars Will Help Create “Farm Art D-Tour” – (WI) $50,000
69. Duplicative Subsidy Program for High-Risk Research – (Technology Innovation Program) $44.9 Million
70. New York Dance Troupe Gets Money for Trip to Indonesia – (NY) $30,000
71. Analyzing the Spread of Political Info on the Web – (VA) $500,000
72. Energy Program Repeatedly Slated for Termination Continues to get Funding (U.S. Department of Agriculture) $11.976 Million
73. 50th Anniversary Commemoration  (in other countries!)– (U.S. Agency of International Development) $156,273
74. Multi-Family Housing Revitalization Program: Program for Repairing Poor Families’ Houses Will Mainly Serve Property Developers – (Department of Agriculture) $14.97 Million
75. Federal Grant Pays to Package Grass-fed Cow Butter – (NY) $55,660
76. Taxpayer Money Helps Pay for International Film Festival – (CA) $50,000
77. Chemistry Theater for Children – (WI) $499,993
78. Duplicative Grant Programs Available For Retrofitting Or Replacing Diesel Engines Despite Declining Need For the Modifications –(Environmental Protection Agency) $49.9 Million
79. Air Force Academy Builds “Stonehenge-like Worship Center” – (CO) $51,474
80. Study to Tell India How to Improve its Local Government – (MA) $425,642
81. Exhibit on the History of Rivers, Trails, Railroads, and Roads – (MO) $300,000
82. Sixteen Professors to Attend 5-Week Seminar in Rome – $159,865
83. Duplicative Rail Line Relocation Program Continues to Receive Taxpayer Money – (Department of Transportation) $10.5 Million
84. U.S. Taxpayer Money Pays for European Student’s Leadership Skills –(Department of State) $306,000
85. Study of Online Dating – (NY) $606,000
86. The Treehouse Museum Spends Taxpayer Dollars to Teach the Art of Puppetry – (UT) $ 74,470
87. Economic Development Program is Duplicative and Has Unclear Benefits – (Appalachian Regional Commission) $68 Million
88. Does Tweeting and Friending Make You Happy? – (CA) $198,195
89. Buruni Ballad– (Maldives) $25,000
90. Botched Assistance for Families of Afghan War Victims – $15 Million
91. Feces -Throwing Reveals Communication Skills in Chimps – (GA) $592,527
92. Federally–funded Dragon Robots – (MA) $130,987
93. Steamboat Interpretive Center – (LA) $5.18 Million
94. Federal Grant to Study Women, Weaving and Wool in Iceland, AD 874-1800 – (RI) $338,998
95. Federal Dollars Goes Toward Cowboy Poetry – (NV) $50,000
96. Targeted sheep grazing study – (MT) $742,907
97. Upgrades to Street Median in Shopping District – (DC) $83,000
98. $1 Bills Literally Costing Taxpayers Millions – (U.S. Treasury Department) – $184 Million
99. Website Redesign for Jonathan Bird’s Blue World – ( MA) $131,895)
100. Christopher Columbus Fellowship Foundation – $499,000